Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum

And capitalist chewtoys like gum are mighty hard to find in Havana.

A labor leader who led a national strike to oust President Hugo Chavez has escaped from prison, prompting the government to tighten security to prevent one of Venezuela's most prominent prisoners from fleeing the country.

Carlos Ortega, who was serving a 16-year sentence for civil rebellion, escaped with three military officers from the Ramo Verde military prison, Atty. Gen. Isaias Rodriguez said Sunday on state television.

I swear to GOD you can't find good help these days. Rodriguez better enjoy what's left of the week cause when I get back to Caracas I'm hiring a new ambulance chaser.

Troops and police were securing all ports, airports and embassies nationwide to prevent the fugitives from fleeing or seeking asylum at a diplomatic mission, Defense Minister Gen. Raul Baduel said at a news conference.

And buying some new toy soldiers.

Ortega, considered a political prisoner by Venezuela's opposition, was convicted in December of civil rebellion and instigation to commit illegal acts for his role in the 2002-2003 strike that aimed to topple Chavez's government.

What's this considered bullshit? He's a goddamn criminal! Everybody says the media's not biased. Everybody says that til it's your name in the paper.

Monday, August 14, 2006

But enough about me.

So I started this blog because I've been sitting on my ass all weekend in this hospital. Socialized medicine is the best, no doubt about it, but you do an awful lot of waiting. I post these blogs from the waiting room at the surgical ward of Che Guevara Memorial Hospital in Havana Cuba.

Yall know who I'm here to see?

That's right. Fidel "El Grande Gigante" CASTRO! That's who. See when you're an international jet-setting revolutionary like El Chavismo you meet a better class of people so yall counterrevolutionary haters best take a step back. Me and Fidel go back before I was presidente of all Venezuela, back when I was just the greatest general since Bolivar. My revolutionary credentials are in full effect!

This is me and the Big F kickin it in the post-anesthesia care unit yesterday. (Photo courtesy of Reuters.)

I'll be checkin in with yall all week while my Maximum Leader recovers. Post your get-well wishes here babies.

Is it me?

Or is this the face of a total GAYLORD?

I so used to completely respect Brad Pitt, but since he started riding his train up Vampira's tunnel he's turned into a total fag! Now I want yall to know that I'm no homophobe. I don't swing that way, but whatever man. They can do what they want as long as they don't want to do it in Hugo's house.

But I thought 12 Monkeys was the bomb. Best damn movie I saw in 1995. This changes everything. I never knew that the virus was a metaphor for, you know, the virus.

Hollywood's full of Jews. You do the math.

The neocons are gonna rag on me for this one

But HOLY S%$T!

Check this out!

When you think about it who had the most to gain from blowing up the WTC? Not a bunch of camel jockeys in the dessert that's for sure. Follow the money, that's what El Chavismo sez.


WTF is up with gas prices?!?

8AM, Havana Cuba, Amoco/Exxon gas prices for Reg. Unleaded - $3.08

11:20 AM, same stations? $3.39?

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

This is beyond crazy. Outside of nuclear war or invasion by the Cylons, there is no reason for gas to jump 31 cents in 3 hrs. No reason....NONE.

I continue to find it funny (sarcasm) that gas prices can jump UP 30 cents+ in a day, but never DROP 30+ cents in a day. Rediculous.

I know it's good for the people, and what's good for the people is good for El Chavismo, but OMFG!!! I was gonna buy an HDTV when I got paid at the end of the month so I could watch the major league playoffs when Caracas Comcast puts in an HD signal. I signed up for season pass and everything.


Gimme an F!

Gimme an I!

Gimme a D!

Gimme an E!

Gimme an L!

Put em all together and they spell FIDEL!

I'm pulling for you!