Saturday, September 27, 2008

This Palin chick

El Chavismo thinks she's pretty hawt. Not Jennifer Aniston hawt, but who is?

El Maximum Leader has always had a thing for redheads.

(Sorry about the Salon link. If there's one thing El Chavismo can't stand, it's useful idiots, but hell, they're useful.)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A question for Brad Pitt

So Brad, are they real?

I ain't buying it any more than Surry Cruise. You left Jennifer Aniston for that tattooed hag?

It's hard to fool El Chavismo.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I just had the coolest thought!

So I just got back from a private screening of the movie Mongol, party members and dedicated revolutionaries only. It was no 300, but it was still awesome, and yall should all see it.

It's about Genghis Khan, or Temudjin, as his close personal friends used to call him back in the day. Did you know that Genghis Khan avenged his father's murderer, just like the Outlaw Josey Wales? Now you do!

Anyway, my point is that wouldn't it be awesome if Genghis Khan had had a helicopter? It would be so cool. He'd be dropping the BOMB on those imperialists with his helicopterized Mongol horde.

And that's just what El Chavismo is going to do to the yankee George Bush when he brings his mercenaries into the jungle down here. You here me talking hillbilly boy? I'm gonna get MONGOL on your ass!!!

El Chavismo on Facebook?

So I'm sitting around the presidential palace this morning, watching CNN, and they had this show on this new thing called social networking. They say it's all the rage with the youth of the world, and El Chavismo is all about connecting with the young, because they're the future workers of the world.

And then it hit me. Could I have a future in this social networking scene? Is there room for me with these new technologies? Hell yeah babies.

And it's easy. Every Bolivarian revolutionary should try it. I hooked up with my friends, and even whipped this gringo at a game of scrabble. El Chavismo is a mean scrabble player, even in in English.

Now to look up Fidel and Raul.

Friday, July 11, 2008

This is AWESOME!

So my friend Karen Jean, who's like this strong black senorita, has this knack for meeting Hollywood stars. El Chavismo gives her much respect, because she's met some of the all time greats, people like Dirk Benedict and Lorne Green.

So you'll never guess who she met last week. NEVER!

SEE! El Chavismo will give you a hint. KEVIN COSTNER! That's right. Star of Dances With Wolves and The Postman. Check it out!

She gets around, my friend Karen Jean. You'll never guess who else she met. Go ahead - guess!

That's right. Parker Stevenson - star of the HARDY BOYS MYSTERIES! Check it out!

Karen Jean is AWESOME!

Gimme an O!

Gimme a B!

Gimme an A!

Gimme an M!

Gimme another A!


Yes we can!

Oh Shit

Where to start?

I know when I started this blog two years ago that all yall were counting on regular updates from El Chavismo, but what what can I say? I've been BUSY, ok? Jetsetting around the globe, seeing international movie stars, kicking it with Oliver Stone, you know how it is. And that's just the WORK, baby.

The F-dog has gone into a bit of a tailspin, and that's been weighing heavily on my mind, cause yall know what inspiration Fidel's always been to me. I'm sure Raul will pull Cuba out of its troubles, and keep up the good fight, but he's not the man his brother is and was. Yall didn't hear that from me, k? ;)

So between fighting for new counterterrorist laws, and expanding the welfare of the people, and supporting democracy in Colombia (Alvaro, you can SUCK MY FAT ONE!), it's been a hot and thirsty day in Caracas. HEY KOOL-AID!

I promise to keep this blog updated more regularyl in the future, but it's all kool, and we always be kool. As Pac would have said, you know dat.

Pac lives!

El Chavismo.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum

And capitalist chewtoys like gum are mighty hard to find in Havana.

A labor leader who led a national strike to oust President Hugo Chavez has escaped from prison, prompting the government to tighten security to prevent one of Venezuela's most prominent prisoners from fleeing the country.

Carlos Ortega, who was serving a 16-year sentence for civil rebellion, escaped with three military officers from the Ramo Verde military prison, Atty. Gen. Isaias Rodriguez said Sunday on state television.

I swear to GOD you can't find good help these days. Rodriguez better enjoy what's left of the week cause when I get back to Caracas I'm hiring a new ambulance chaser.

Troops and police were securing all ports, airports and embassies nationwide to prevent the fugitives from fleeing or seeking asylum at a diplomatic mission, Defense Minister Gen. Raul Baduel said at a news conference.

And buying some new toy soldiers.

Ortega, considered a political prisoner by Venezuela's opposition, was convicted in December of civil rebellion and instigation to commit illegal acts for his role in the 2002-2003 strike that aimed to topple Chavez's government.

What's this considered bullshit? He's a goddamn criminal! Everybody says the media's not biased. Everybody says that til it's your name in the paper.

Monday, August 14, 2006

But enough about me.

So I started this blog because I've been sitting on my ass all weekend in this hospital. Socialized medicine is the best, no doubt about it, but you do an awful lot of waiting. I post these blogs from the waiting room at the surgical ward of Che Guevara Memorial Hospital in Havana Cuba.

Yall know who I'm here to see?

That's right. Fidel "El Grande Gigante" CASTRO! That's who. See when you're an international jet-setting revolutionary like El Chavismo you meet a better class of people so yall counterrevolutionary haters best take a step back. Me and Fidel go back before I was presidente of all Venezuela, back when I was just the greatest general since Bolivar. My revolutionary credentials are in full effect!

This is me and the Big F kickin it in the post-anesthesia care unit yesterday. (Photo courtesy of Reuters.)

I'll be checkin in with yall all week while my Maximum Leader recovers. Post your get-well wishes here babies.

Is it me?

Or is this the face of a total GAYLORD?

I so used to completely respect Brad Pitt, but since he started riding his train up Vampira's tunnel he's turned into a total fag! Now I want yall to know that I'm no homophobe. I don't swing that way, but whatever man. They can do what they want as long as they don't want to do it in Hugo's house.

But I thought 12 Monkeys was the bomb. Best damn movie I saw in 1995. This changes everything. I never knew that the virus was a metaphor for, you know, the virus.

Hollywood's full of Jews. You do the math.

The neocons are gonna rag on me for this one

But HOLY S%$T!

Check this out!

When you think about it who had the most to gain from blowing up the WTC? Not a bunch of camel jockeys in the dessert that's for sure. Follow the money, that's what El Chavismo sez.


WTF is up with gas prices?!?

8AM, Havana Cuba, Amoco/Exxon gas prices for Reg. Unleaded - $3.08

11:20 AM, same stations? $3.39?

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

This is beyond crazy. Outside of nuclear war or invasion by the Cylons, there is no reason for gas to jump 31 cents in 3 hrs. No reason....NONE.

I continue to find it funny (sarcasm) that gas prices can jump UP 30 cents+ in a day, but never DROP 30+ cents in a day. Rediculous.

I know it's good for the people, and what's good for the people is good for El Chavismo, but OMFG!!! I was gonna buy an HDTV when I got paid at the end of the month so I could watch the major league playoffs when Caracas Comcast puts in an HD signal. I signed up for season pass and everything.


Gimme an F!

Gimme an I!

Gimme a D!

Gimme an E!

Gimme an L!

Put em all together and they spell FIDEL!

I'm pulling for you!